


Shoulder

by Zebulun



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Baby Foxes (All for the game) - Freeform, Couch Cuddles, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Just in front of the other Foxes so semi-public i guess, Lion King (1994) Spoilers, M/M, Movie Night, My First Fanfic, Only refenced though, POV Neil Josten, Palmetto State University Foxes, Post-Canon, Public Display of Affection, References to Andrew´s past, Very brief and vague (not discussed just contemplated)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 06:11:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21156917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zebulun/pseuds/Zebulun
Summary: The Foxes are having a movie night in an attempt to handle the changes and new players (shit-heads) on the team. Neil is struggling to adapt but finds that he now has a shoulder to lean on when he needs it.





	Shoulder

**Author's Note:**

> _Hey! :)  
Okay... So, this was something that popped into my head a few days ago, and it was too wholesome not to put on paper. Or... put on 'document' I guess in this case. This is my first fanfic _ever_ written, and also, this probably has some weird grammar and odd word choice since English isn't my first language (sorry in advance). With all that said, I hope you like this!_

It was a quarter past 10 P.M when the Foxes had settled in Matt, Aaron, and Nicky’s dorm room. Nicky had ordered everyone inside for a movie-night with the motivation that Neil still hadn’t watched ‘The Lion King’. Neil wasn’t that interested in watching the movie, but he didn’t say as much since he knew the true nature of Nicky’s intent.

It was Friday, the third week of practice with the new Foxes, and all of them had been working their asses off trying to adjust to the unfamiliar lineup. After all that had happened the past year, it was exhausting and strenuous to have fresh faces on their court. 

Secretly, Neil thought it felt like trying to fit puzzle-pieces into an already complete puzzle. He didn’t want any more players – _other_ players – on court. He knew the Foxes could manage without. But he also knew that, in a way, they _needed_ more subs. 

It was too tiring to play a full game for another season, and they couldn’t afford to hope to make the same ascend as last season. With one of the big three having been eliminated before semi-finals, and the USC Trojans saving their skins by cutting back players; the Foxes had managed to get all the way to finals and win against the Ravens. Too many outer factors had played into that result for it to be pure talent from the Foxes side. They had _just_ made it; such luck wouldn’t land a second time.

Even with all the progress the Foxes had made together, they were still unbalanced and barely a complete team. More players on court could ease the strain put on them during the game, and _that_, Neil knew, was something the Foxes needed. That fact didn’t stop him from unconsciously removing the new Foxes from his image of the true Foxes. 

It was unfair, Neil knew. But the ‘Baby Foxes’, as Nicky had started calling them, had not made it easy for him. They were… a handful, to say the least.

The new Foxes had been a struggle to get in order, and Neil and Dan had their work cut out for them. They were disobedient and just as much trouble as the media expected from their rag-tag team. The new Foxes were a mishmash of stubbornness, carelessness, and outright antagonism.

Hence, Neil’s Foxes were in a stupor of fatigue by the second week, and they needed something to get their minds off Exy for just a night. Nicky had been taking the morose environment like a bullet to the chest. A social butterfly through and through, the horrible mood his friends were in brought him down low in his usually buoyant emotional state. 

Already after the third day of practice, Neil recognized that Nicky wouldn’t be able to make it long without providing some intervention of sorts. Nicky had taken on the role of team-mom – self-titled, of course – and could not bear seeing his ‘children’ – once again, Nicky’s words – suffering. Neil thought it was incredible for the mother-hen to have waited two entire weeks without making his move.

Neil didn’t know what finally stirred Nicky into action. Maybe it was the almost-fight Matt had with Jack, a new Fox, a few days ago. It might have been the eerie silence Renee had acquired in the last week of spit-fire hatred being thrown left and right on the court. Plausibly it was the shouting-match Kevin and Neil had initiated Wednesday night over Neil’s lack of ‘vice-captaining skill’s’.

Probably, it had been Nicky walking in on Andrew trying to talk Neil down from a relentless panic attack.

It had been the worst one since the weeks after Baltimore. Neil had been about to light a cigarette and sit beside Andrew by the open window of their dorm room when he had burned himself. The warm and cold and unforgiving flame of the lighter had licked his fingers, and then he was in a car with Lola again, miles away from South Carolina. He didn’t have a chance to escape it this time. No energy to count to ten and tell himself that he was ‘Neil Abram Josten, starting striker of the Palmetto Foxes, and Lola couldn’t hurt him anymore’.

Everything from the past few weeks finally got through to him, and he snapped under the pressure. 

Nicky had managed to arrive at the peak of Neil’s frantic breakdown. He had been sitting on the floor with his head pulled low in between his tucked-up knees, hands clutching his curls in an attempt to get a grip, breathing transformed into shallow whines of hurt. Andrew had been crouched above Neil, his hand resting in a grounding manner on Neil’s neck. Andrew had been turned towards the door when his cousin made his entrance and had been quick to dismiss the wide-eyed man with a curt ‘Out’. 

Nicky had been reluctant to leave at first but after a third <strike>threat</strike> urge from his cousin, he scurried out of there like he had everything to lose. He had, however, approached Neil later and asked how he was doing. Neil had slipped up and told Nicky that he was ‘fine’, to which Nicky responded with a crushed look and a promise that he’d cry if Neil told him that one more time. Nicky hadn’t mentioned it at all today, which Neil was grateful for, but he had instead taken to throwing concerned glances Neil’s way during practice.

When Nicky had approached him after practice, Neil had a dialogue about his well-being planned out in his head. So, when Nicky had asked him if he’d seen ‘The Lion King’ Neil had been shocked into silence. When he finally admitted that _no, he hadn’t_ Nicky grinned at him and said it was going to be an honor to introduce Neil to the most heart-breaking movie ever produced. From what Neil had gathered, ‘The Lion King’ was an animated film about lion-dictatorship or something. How sad could it be?

Nevertheless, he accepted the invitation – that was more like a demand for his presence – and now he was sitting comfortably tucked in between Andrew and Kevin on a couch. Matt and Nicky were irately searching through Matt’s movies for the ‘fucking disc of invisibility’ as Nicky ambitiously called it. 

All the Foxes, plus Katelyn, were gathered. The Baby Foxes hadn’t been invited, and Neil was privately savoring their absence. Allison and Renee had taken residence in a pile of blankets and pillows they had stolen from Matt. Katelyn and Aaron where placed half-way on top of each other in a sofa-chair, while Dan was waiting for her boyfriend in one of the beanbags.

Neil was happier than he’d been in a while. Everything was as it should be; Andrew right beside him, and the rest of the Foxes – _his_ Foxes – surrounding them. All was right and comfortable, with no resentment – except for the curses attributed to the wayward movie disc – anywhere in sight. 

Neil felt _serene_, which was a very new and confusing emotion to him. But he welcomed it nonetheless since it was a prime sign of his developing tendency to trust people.

Movement to his right made Neil turn his head and gaze at the blond beside him. He was leaning away from Neil and reaching for a pillow from Renee and Allison’s pile. Allison sent him a scathing glare as he snatched the one with faux fur; the softest one. But Renee distracted her by smiling sweetly and showing her something on her phone.

Andrew flopped back victoriously into the couch with a grunt, his stolen goods in the progress of being snugly tucked behind his back. When the blond had settled, he noticed Neil’s eyes on him and sent him a bored look. When Neil just kept looking at him, he cocked an eyebrow in challenge.

“Staring,” he grumbled, but his own eyes didn’t waver from Neil’s face.

“Mhm,” Neil agreed noncommittally.

“Don’t,” he ordered, without heat.

“Stop me.” Andrew scoffed, and Neil felt a smile spread over his face.

It was the first real smile he’d conjured since the start of practices; it felt nice - _sincere_.

“You’re in a good mood,” Neil observed as Andrew continued glaring at his face, even after Neil’s obnoxious responses.

“I am _ecstatic,_” Andrew deadpanned with a straight face, and Neil’s smile widened, “_However_ could you guess?”

“You have a few tells, you know,” Neil said.

Andrew’s responded with silence and a blank stare, which Neil choose to interpret as an encouragement to elaborate.

“First off, you don’t call me ‘idiot’ at any and every given moment,” Neil explained, “And second, you turn into a liar.”

“I’m always a liar.” 

“Isn’t _that_ a lie?”

“Your definition seems flawed. Shouldn’t _you_, if anyone, know what a ‘lie’ is?”

“I do.”

“Humor me.”

“All that ‘This is nothing’ bullshit.”

“You have a tragic sense of self-preservation.”

He didn’t comment on the lack of denial. Instead, Neil snorted as Andrew placed his index finger on Neil’s chin and forced his eyes away. But not before he noticed the way the hazel glare lost some of its hardness, if just a little bit. At that moment it seemed like Nicky found the lost movie.

“Eureka!” he hollered triumphantly and held a film, with a very colorful cover, high above his head. 

Matt and Dan responded with excited whoops and soon the movie was popped into the player and the movie-night started.

Matt flopped into the beanbag beside Dan, who almost fell out as her boyfriend sat down, and Nicky occupied the other beanbag by Neil’s feet. Andrew had pulled out a bag of candy from somewhere and was quickly making a dent in the mass of sweets. Neil glanced over at Kevin from the corner of his eye, amusement sparking as he found the striker predictably grimacing at the blond, who didn’t acknowledge Kevin’s dismay at all. 

The quiet conversations in the room were silenced completely as a loud voice from the TV started singing, and Neil sagged back deeper into the cushions.

***

It was only a few minutes later that Neil woke up to delighted snickering and a bright flash of light. Neil jumped at the sudden brightness and opened bleary eyes to the back of a smartphone and Nicky’s grinning face. 

“I should be offended that you didn’t even make it past fifteen minutes before passing out, but Kevin’s face makes up for it,” Nicky said with amusement oozing from every word.

That’s when Neil noticed how he was leaning on something warm and sort of soft. He blinked confusion out of his eyes and looked toward the warm object. That object turning out to be a very uncomfortable Kevin Day made Neil’s eyes widen a fraction. 

If Neil had been completely awake, he would have laughed at Kevin’s appalled expression. As of now, Neil just grumbled an apology and retreated a few inches away from the taller man. He hadn’t realized how tired he was.

He tried not to feel embarrassed by the picture Nicky proudly showed him all the while laughing and pointing at Kevin. In the picture, Neil had his head rested heavily on Kevin’s shoulder with his mouth slightly open. The Kevin in the photo sat stiffly, glaring towards the photographer while simultaneously trying to lean a bit away from Neil’s sleeping face. It was comical, but Neil could do nothing but yawn as the picture hovered in front of him.

He noticed the rest of the Foxes watching them with mostly bemused expressions. Even Aaron was smirking a little bit while observing Kevin checking his shoulder for drool Nicky swore covered his entire shirt – nevermind that Neil didn’t drool in his sleep, but whatever.

Neil hadn’t gotten much sleep that week, and _none_ the night before. Even though Neil made an effort not to let the new Foxes’ antagonism pull him down, he was plagued by nightmares. 

Jack, Kevin’s striker-sub recruit, found it entertaining to call Neil by his birth name. Hearing _‘Nathaniel’_ being yelled on court tore at Neil. It slowly but surely broke down the damage control – in the form of balled-up emotions – he’d managed to do after Baltimore, and even though he tried not to show it, he knew his teammates saw how it affected him. That was the reason why Matt and Jack had almost gotten into that physical fight on Tuesday. 

That name echoing in his ears throughout practice coaxed very bad memories out of the depths of Neil’s head. They were memories from Baltimore, memories from before, and completely made up scenarios that Neil’s cruel mind had made up on its own. It took a toll on him that showed up in his sleep-schedule. 

No one but Andrew knew about this, though, which might be why they found it funny to rouse Neil from his rest. He didn’t condemn them for it – they didn’t know, after all – but the look on Andrew’s face told Neil that the goalie wasn’t as forgiving.

Neil didn’t like the cold way his glare had landed still on Nicky as the backliner continued giggling as mocking both Kevin and Neil. Andrew’s entire body sat completely still, apart from the fingers vigorously fiddling with some candy wrapper in his right hand. His eyes were slightly hooded, and he was leaning over himself with his elbows on his knees. All and all: he looked kind of intimidating.

“I’ll stay awake now. Sorry,” Neil rasped with a small smile, trying to disarm the tense situation before the others noticed Andrew’s mood.

Matt sent Neil an apologetic smile, “You look like a zombie, Neil. Go to sleep.”

“But Mufasa hasn’t even died yet!”, Nicky whined loudly, having finally gathered himself enough to sit back in the bean bag. For some reason, almost all the Foxes groaned at that statement.

“Great job, Nicky!” Allison said, crossing her arms over her chest while accusingly glaring at Nicky. “I just lost fifty bucks because of you, asshole!”

Nicky put his hands up in the air, eyes wide and eyebrows creeping toward his hairline as he looked around at the rest of the team.

“It’s still a sad scene. Just because he knows what happens doesn’t make it less cry-worthy!”

“It’s a shock factor, Nicky! It increases the chance of Neil actually _crying_. And the chances were pretty fucking low even _before_ you opened your mouth,” Allison exclaimed irately, “Have you met Neil? The guy’s tear-canals are as dry as your chapped-ass lips!”

“My chapped-ass…- Now listen here, you catty little- “, and that’s where Neil stopped trying to keep up. 

Instead, he looked back to Andrew who was now watching Neil instead of glaring his cousin down. When their eyes met, Andrew raised an eyebrow in question and tipped his head slightly toward the door. But Neil shook his head; he wanted to stay with the team now that they finally had the time. 

Andrew rolled his eyes but leaned back into the couch again. He grabbed the bag of sweets, that was now only filled with candy wrappers, from his lap and started to pull up his left leg onto the couch. But before he settled with his back to the armrest, he paused and gazed back at Neil again. His eyes were intense and searching as he scrutinized Neil’s face. 

He seemed to find whatever he was looking for because something shifted in the hazel depths. Next thing Neil knew, Andrew had thrown the balled-up candy bag at Kevin.

When Kevin turned his attention from the fierce argument to Andrew, Andrew flicked his thumb away from the couch.

“Get off,” he ordered with a flat tone. Kevin’s expression changed from annoyed to confused and his eyebrows drew together in a question.

“Wha- “

“Off,” Andrew said again, leaving no room for argument.

“Where am I supposed to- “, Kevin tried, raising open palms at the rest of the room.

“Sit with Nicky, or on top of Hairgel and Cap. I don’t care.”

“But- “

“Kevin.”

Kevin looked dejectedly between Andrew, Neil, and the half-empty bean bag Nicky was sitting in. Neil wondered why Andrew was dismissing the striker, and only shrugged at Kevin when he glanced at him with bewilderment. For a few seconds, it seemed as if Kevin was going to reject Andrew’s demand. But then, Kevin huffed and grumbled as he slid off the couch and onto the floor beside Nicky’s bean bag. Apparently, he had decided not to share sitting space with the backliner and instead sit on the floor and sulk.

Neil turned his attention slowly from the bitter striker to Andrew, furrowing his brows in confusion. But Andrew didn’t pay him any mind as he repositioned himself on the couch. His back was now against the armrest (pillow still tucked neatly behind him) and his legs spread long and wide on the cushions.

When he’d stilled, he tapped his foot against Neil’s knee and raised his eyebrows at him.

“Yes or no?”, the goalie said lowly while tapping his fingers on top of his chest.

Surprise dulled the utter bafflement Neil was feeling. He looked around at the other Foxes in the room. Everyone was occupied, either with bickering, sulking or watching the animated animals on the TV. Only Renee seemed to notice their exchange. She sent Neil a smile when he caught her watching them before she turned back to the movie.

Maybe he misinterpreted Andrew’s proposal? This kind of display of <strike>affection</strike> tolerance was not part of Andrew’s usual agenda, _especially_ in front of other people. So, Neil gave Andrew a few seconds to clarify or retract whatever he was offering, all the while watching the blond’s expression for traces of uncertainty. 

He found none. What he did find, however, was an unwavering, hazel gaze staring back at him. 

Andrew’s eyes on him had become a comforter of sorts; the opposite of the affect observers normally had on Neil. When Andrew was looking at him, it didn’t feel like needles poking into his skin; it felt good. Warm and cold, calm and intense, intoxicating and sobering. It was perplexing how something like a glace could make a paralyzing amount of similar, opposing, and unreasonable emotions wash over Neil like a flood. It was perplexing how something so _small_ could mean so _much_.

Ever since Baltimore and Riko, Neil had noticed that Andrew had taken to studying him more often. If it induced a sense of control or if it was a case of preservation, Neil didn’t know; he didn’t mind either way. Andrew had even stopped averting his gaze when Neil caught him doing it, which meant _something_. Maybe a staggering step in the right direction.

The first time Neil had held Andrew’s gaze after catching him not-so-subtly watching him, Andrew had huffed at the smile Neil sent him. He had repeated the words they’d exchanged – what felt like – a long time ago. “Not your answer,” he had drawled while keeping Neil’s gaze pinned with his own. “No,” Neil had responded, “but I want you to be part of the solution.” Andrew had gone quiet after that, gaze turning somewhat <strike>softer</strike> amendable before it was torn away forcefully. What followed was a promise of flying lessons off of the roof, but Andrew hadn’t even tried making the threat sound sincere.

Now, with what Andrew was offering, Neil was undecisive in if this would be too of a big step. Even with how good everything had been – at least _pre_-Baby Foxes – this might be biting off more than they could chew. But at the same time, he trusted Andrew, and therefore – _indirectly_ – trusted Andrew to judge and consider his own limits. 

Still, Neil never wanted to hurt Andrew, or for Andrew to push himself too far. _So_ many layers of hurt and abuse had hardened them both, and now they were working on gently deconstructing those isolating walls _together_. But one misstep could put them back on square one.

“Yes or no?” Neil parroted with a soft voice as he continued observantly tracing Andrew’s face for abnormalities in his expression.

Andrew didn’t budge. He only blinked back at Neil with something glinting in his eyes, something Neil couldn’t interpret.

“I wouldn’t have asked if it was a ‘no’,” Andrew said at last, and the lack of a _true_ answer made Neil think he’d messed up and he was about to apologize when Andrew spoke again. “Yes.”

_‘Yes’:_ three letters, two concessions, one word – one _meaning_.

_‘Yes’;_ a confirmation, but _not_ a promise. 

_‘Yes’:_ much more than a word; a _key_.

That was an interesting parable, wasn’t it? Keys had come to play such an unlikely role in Neil’s life that it didn’t even surprise him that this was what his brain linked to something so important. 

A key was what had let him play Exy, a key was what had let him join the Foxes, a key was what granted him Andrew’s trust. They followed him everywhere; it was disorienting. 

In his previous lives, he’d never owned a key. Sure, his mother had keys to some of the cars, and houses and apartments they’d lived in while on the run, but she had never given Neil one of his own. 

_‘Too dangerous, too **risky** for someone so young and reckless to have responsibility for something so significant.’_

But the key Andrew was giving Neil now was something different. It meant that not only was Neil _allowed_ to have this, Andrew also _<strike>wanted</strike> chose_ this. 

_‘Yes’_ was Andrew giving Neil permission – giving Neil the key and letting him in. A key to yet another door for Neil to step through, letting him further and further in.

_‘No’_ wasn’t a step backward, though; it was a stand-still and a show of trust. It was Andrew keeping the key but not taking away the lock-picks. It was Andrew trusting Neil enough to believe he won’t unlock the door anyway and step through. It was Neil waiting for Andrew to be ready to give him another key.

Neil still didn’t understand – never would – how this was okay. How any of _‘nothing’_ was okay with Andrew after everything he’d been put through. How just a simple and complicated ‘yes or no?’ and someone who listened, was somehow enough. 

“Neil, yes or no?”, Andrew repeated flatly, bringing Neil out of his thoughts.

Something warm settled in the pit of his stomach when Andrew continued to drum his fingers while watching Neil just as intensely as Neil was watching him. He wondered how he ever lived without this. Without ‘nothing’. Without _Andrew_.

“Yes,” he breathed through a smile, to which Andrew responded with lifting his hands away from his chest. He held them up beside his body and looked away from Neil, <strike>feigning</strike> uninterest.

Neil only hesitated for a second before he turned his back towards Andrew and scooted back so he was sitting between his slightly bent knees. There he stopped and looked over his shoulder at Andrew again, searching for tension in his posture.

“Yes,” Andrew said <strike>softly</strike> flatly.

So, Neil slowly eased himself down, his back flush against Andrew’s <strike>well-muscled</strike> upper body. Then he stilled, waiting for a hint of discomfort. But the only thing he noticed was the steady rise and fall of Andrew’s chest.

Neil could not fathom how Andrew didn’t push him off. How he didn’t stick a knife in his chest for getting so close. How he didn’t panic at the feeling of Neil’s weight on top of him. It made no sense, and the realization that Neil was pinning Andrew to the couch with his body almost made Neil fling himself off of the smaller man.

“Why is this a ‘yes’?”, Neil whispered, voice more ragged than it should have been. It wasn’t him that should react like this; not him that should be drowning in anxiety and fighting panic. How could Andrew be so okay with _this_ after being so brutally abused?

“Because I said so,” Andrew responded into Neil’s hair, loud enough for him to hear but too quiet for the other Foxes to make out.

_‘Because I said so’._ Why did that hurt so much? Why did those words claw at something inside Neil’s chest? 

Andrew made it sound so easy – so _matter-of-factly_. Like it was just a sentence. Like it was just a statement. Like it was just something you normally said in a conversation.

But then why did it _hurt_?

Neil didn’t have time to think more about it, because the next thing he knew Andrew’s left hand was hovering over the one Neil had splayed over his chest.

“Yes or no?”, Andrew asked again.

“Yes,” Neil answered immediately this time and held his breath as Andrew laid his hand on top of Neil’s.

Andrew didn’t grab Neil’s hand. He only rested his hand over Neil’s, and Neil had no idea how to react. He was overwhelmed. These weren’t steps forward, these were _leaps_. 

Neil and Andrew weren’t ones to hold hands. Not because they didn’t want to. Because they didn’t feel the _need_ to. It wasn’t something Neil even thought about. It just was something they didn’t do.

But it took Neil only a second to realize that this wasn’t Andrew holding Neil’s hand. No, this was something else.

Andrew was making small circular motions with his thumb over the burn scars on Neil’s knuckles. The scars made Neil recognizable, even in the dark. Andrew was convincing himself that it was Neil laying there on top of him. 

Once again, Neil felt the urge to _get away_; to give Andrew space and to not touch. But instead, he just took a deep breath and asked, “Still yes?”.

This was Andrew’s choice. If Andrew felt that this was okay, then this was okay. Neil trusted Andrew to tell him ‘no’ just as much as Andrew trusted Neil to tell _him_ ‘no’.

“I hate you”, Andrew said steadily, the movement only faltering slightly before he continued to stroke Neil’s scars, “_Yes_. Sleep, idiot”.

Then, Neil relaxed with a small, relieved huff of amusement. He was tired, _exhausted_ even, and he had never felt as comfortable and safe as he did right then. So, forgetting his promise to stay awake, he instead complied and closed his eyes.

The warmth of Andrew bleeding into his back, the soothing touch on his knuckles, and the movement of Andrew’s chest up and down beneath him very quickly lulled Neil to sleep. The distress of the past couple of weeks was replaced with pure contentment. The bickering of Nicky and Allison, the other Foxes, and the movie, all but forgotten. 

The only thing that mattered in that moment was Neil and Andrew’s small bubble of trust, and if something soft entered Andrew’s eyes when he looked down at the sleeping idiot, no one noticed.

**Author's Note:**

> _Thanks so much for reading this to the end :)_  
If you have anything you'd like to say about it or have some criticism, don't hesitate to comment!  



End file.
